Witchcraft Makes You Stupid

As I've told the commenters here many times, I'd been hoping that a Death Cultist would finally be dumb enough to try and beat the Witch Test.

Thanks to author Bradford Walker, my hope has been rewarded.

Bradford kicked off the proceedings by administering the test to a TDS-afflicted Leftoid. After some rhetorical squirming, Lefty tried to troll his way out. Hilarity ensued.

Fundamentalist Christian David Bowers 1

Normies may mistake the above screencap for a false negative, but meme war vets and accomplished rhetoricians recognize it for the troll it is. David is using an ethnic icon for the twofold purpose of triggering the "Nazis" and signaling to the Death Cult that his confession is facetious.

It's the rhetorical equivalent of crossing his fingers behind his back.

There's a reason why no test subject had yet made such a stupid move. Sit back, and I'll show you.

Fundamentalist Christian David Bowers

Lesson 1: If you apply the Witch Test, and the witch tries to wriggle out of the thumbscrews with a snarky non-profession, immediately document his conversion and publish it EVERYWHERE.

Don't overlook the little things. It's the little things that make up life!

Fundamentalist Christians - David Bowers

Having added Brother David to my special friends list, I told him how nice it was having someone new to discuss Scripture with and asked him for his favorite Bible verse.

Again, he should have stopped digging, but David found the urge to prove he "knows the knuckle-dragging Neanderthals' bronze age spaghetti myth better than them!" irresistible.

A helpfu reminder for the Biblically challenged:

Romans 1: 26-28

Anybody wanna take bets on whether David got a clue and quite while he was behind?

Fundamentalist Christian David Bowers 3

Those who thought he had a modicum of sense, sorry, you lose. Your last shred of belief in the cultists' humanity.

Additional witch tells: lowercasing the 'g' in God and the 'h' in the divinity pronoun to OWN TEH NAZIS!

Sadly for David, he was so busy playing pronoun games that he stepped smack dab on a rake.

Fundamentalist Christian David Bowers - Bold

Like a guilty suspect who knows he's slipped up but just keeps talking instead of doing the smart thing and shutting up, David compounds his error.

Fundamentalist Christian David Bowers 4

Only then, when I'd led David into shredding the moral authority he tried to co-opt, did he turn tail and run.

Let's recap:
  • Be deranged shitlib.
  • Take the Witch Test and fail.
  • Try to cover failure with glib trolling/attempt to cloak self in air of Christian morality.
  • Paint self into a corner where you're forced to condemn homosexuality or shut up. Choose the former, wrecking Death Cult clout.
  • End up professing heresy in a fit of theological Dunning-Kruger, detonating the moral authority you were trying to steal in the first place.
  • Unmasked as lolcow. Run away.
See how this works?


  1. Side Note: They aren't adverse to working as tag-teams. We shouldn't either. Though not planned as such, I had hoped Brian would do just this to pick up where I left off.

    Work in tandem when a witch pops up. I'm good at basics; Brian brings the advanced level. Turn their tactics back on them, enjoy the hunt, and give thanks when it comes to its lawful conclusion.

    1. Full endorsement given.

      You set 'em up. I'll knock 'em down!

  2. It was a thing of beauty to follow all of that.

  3. Brian
    Wow! Well done Bradford and Bruan.
    So the witch test is effective and replicable.

  4. "The real Jesus" "god raised THIS man"

    Golly. So sneak. Many subtle!

    1. You really have to appreciate all that work Hitchens went to in order to destroy discourse like this.

      And to think there are still fedoralords who unironically quote him.

    2. Was he quoting Hitchens with that line?

  5. Also notice that he couldn't just walk away. That gamma pride is as impressive as it is ridiculous.

  6. What was that metallic idol business about? Surely he couldn't believe you worship a mecha because you write about them. Could he? Are they actually that dense?

    1. It was effeminate vanity and duplicity. He realized he was out of his depth, but instead of taking the L and going home, he feebly tried to reframe the whole exchange as a joke we were both in on.

      *nervous laugh* Yeah, I just mortally sinned against the Death Cult, but you're 'making graven images', so we're even, right?" *nudge* *wink*