2018/04/05

Indiana Joan

Indiana Joan

In what can only be considered an advance warning to nerd culture paypigs, former A+ list director turned shady uncle Steven Spielberg has a special announcement for fans of the last Lucasfilm franchise Disney hasn't destroyed yet.
Steven Spielberg is behind the idea that when Harrison Ford hangs up his whip, Indiana Jones should be played by a woman.
Speaking to The Sun, the legendary director revealed that he is "pretty sure" Indiana Jones 5 will be Ford's last adventure as Indy, adding that the franchise "will certainly continue after that" as talk turned to if the character could be played by a woman.
"We'd have to change the name from Jones to Joan. And there would be nothing wrong with that," he outlined.
He should have stopped one sentence early. Everyone who's been paying attention knows by now that "There would be nothing wrong with that" means "There's something deeply wrong with that."
Last month, Spielberg confirmed that Indiana Jones 5 would start shooting in April 2019 and that it will shoot in the UK, like his current movie Ready Player One which was filmed in Birmingham.
Not mentioned in the article is the significant tidbit that Last Jedi producer Kathleen Kennedy will be co-producing Indy 5. For those of you not in the know, TLJ's circus full of fish-lipped, fat, and rainbow-haired ostensibly female characters rolled into town at Kennedy's insistence.

Forget Lara Croft. If Kennedy's brand of beauty-hating misandry prevails, we're much more likely to get this:

G.I. Joe comic

Which would be more merciful than if the call is left to Spielberg, whose casting preferences might skew a bit younger.
Lucas: He's thirty-five, and he knew her ten years ago when he was twenty-five and she was only twelve.
Lucas: It would be amusing to make her slightly young at the time. 
Spielberg: And promiscuous. She came onto him.
Spielberg's "And there would be nothing wrong with that" qualification lends itself to new interpretations now, doesn't it?

In all likelihood, though, Kennedy will get her way. After all, Indy's formerly anointed successor responded to Trump's election by going crazy and going far away.

Shia

The obese, Pakistani, wheelchair-bound lesbian who will eventually be cast as Indiana Joan will be good news for the movie-going public. Another 80s franchise will die the death of Mouse Wars and clear the way for creators to replace the rampant nerd culture that's busily eating itself. All we need now is a Back to the Future prequel in which Doc Brown's grandfather is a villain making V2 rockets for the Third Reich opposed by a multicultural band of Resistance fighters.


If you're looking for startlingly original, exciting entertainment, check out my award-winning Soul Cycle.

The Ophian Rising - Brian Niemeier

20 comments:

  1. There goes another happy childhood memory. These people.

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    Replies
    1. It's time for the world to make new memories.

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    2. agreed. I've spent the better part of my adult life having people grasp at the straws of nostalgia. As one of us who hasn't had his rosy colored glasses soldered to his face holes, I'm always up for new things.

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  2. I know of at least one indie (no pun intended) author working on a Indiana Jones fork who is giddy about Kathleen Kennedy sending work their way. http://reactionarytimes.blogspot.com/2018/03/indy-sue-and-disastrous-boxoffice-crater.html

    I'm sure there will be more.

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    Replies
    1. I saw Cataline's post. Here's wishing him success.

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  3. Given some of the rumors centering on Spielberg that apparently even CDAN won't cover, I wouldn't doubt his behavior.

    Kathleen Kennedy still being employed is absolute clown world. After what she did to Star Wars I wouldn't trust here near anything creative ever again. I'm probably not alone there.

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    1. JD
      What rumors?other than that infamous exchange between Lucas and Speilberg which deeply creeps me out(they have daughters no?),i haven't read anything Enty posted that makes me suspect anything else.

      Brian,
      Sigh. What is this obsession for the masculinized woman? I think i'll have address complementarity. One of my recurring characteristics i have is that my women are petite about 140-145 cm but plenty resilient and feminine.
      I cast Hollywood would have the guts to cast such petite women in leading roles

      xavier

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    2. I'm referring to the death of Heather O'Rourke. To this day it's a very suspicious case.

      https://steemit.com/truth/@auditoryorgasms/heather-o-rourke-of-poltergeist-fame-was-she-killed-in-a-pedogate-coverup

      Pair that with the Raiders story and it gets shady very fast.

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    3. I'm totally unfamiliar about her and her death. Will take a look at your link
      xavier

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    4. CDAN has covered multiple cases that many commenters connected with Spielberg--including the death of Heather O'Rourke.

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    5. Braian,

      I see. I read through the link that JD provided and the revulsion o felt was quote vivid.
      My thoughts ate how will future movie makers deal with kid actors and whether patents must be present in all shoots as well as i and meetings between actors and directors

      xavier

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  4. I appreciate the good movies Spielberg has given us, but I still remember him after 9/11 saying he'd be fine with sacrificing our God-given rights in exchange for more security. He's a dumbass.

    I also think it's both hilarious and sad that Disney bought Lucasfilm (and Marvel) at least in part because they've always been desperate to find properties that appeal to males the way their own properties appeal to girls, and yet they can't seem to help feminizing these properties at their earliest opportunity.

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    Replies
    1. Exactly. See the failure of Rei and Rose merchandise.

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  5. I don't have to worry about that. I have the Indiana Jones Trilogy already (good thing they didn't make a fourth), and my Star Wars collector's edition VHS just came in.

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  6. They're not interested in creating new material, we have to realize this. Despite all their calls for representation it is not about leveling the playing field. It is about fundamentally destroying or subverting everything that came before. To tear it down so it doesn't have as much impact, rinse and repeat.

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    Replies
    1. Though they are unaware of it, they're just clearing the field of the thistles and brambles for us to plant and harvest the wheat.

      All good.

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  7. On the bright side, this will only accelerate Hollywood's downfall so I say go for it Spielberg!

    Meanwhile, I'll be enjoying fiction that is not trash and depended on nostalgia to keep me interested(looking at you, Ready Player One).

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